So, day one of New Sober Me successfully completed.
It’s a weird relationship I have with alcohol, I know beyond doubt that I can’t control my intake, and that continuing to drink is not an option. With that said when I’m not drinking in the evening, I have these strange pangs that I wouldn’t call cravings. They are more like a feeling that something is missing, or that feeling you get when you want to spend time with someone and they aren’t there.
That’s when the inner dialogue kicks in, suggesting that maybe this time it will be different, that it would all be fine, if you’d just take a drink of wine you’d see that it isn’t as bad as you think.
Despite what I know, it is really tempting to test the theory out, but I made it through day one without testing it. Day 2 next. Then Day 3… Maybe the inner voice will quiet over time, or maybe I’ll just learn not to be seduced by it.
Waking up after not drinking is also a strange thing. Almost immediately I started to wonder whether I sent a text I’d regret, or posted something on Facebook that would make me cringe. It took a while to actually convince myself there was nothing to worry about, but still there is a tiny part of me that seems to think I did drink last night. Maybe that’s normal, maybe it’s another attempt by my booze brain to get me drinking again.
Tonight is going to be strange. Seeing in the New Year without a whiskey or a wine or a beer. (Most NYE celebrations have included all three to be honest.)
I’m actually looking forward to it though, because for the first time in many, many years I know that the 1st of January will not be spent feeling like crap. It really will feel like the start of a New Year and a New Journey!
Happy New Year to you all!